Furu Anime Panikku

Yes that’s right. It’s time to help the male character in Evangelion whom you absolutely adore to win this prestigious title, and banish the fags whom you would dearly like to slaughter to hell. There is no need for a Ms Evangelion though, as Rei would win hands down. Not much of a competition now, isn’t it?

Anyway, here are the contestants.

1. Ikari Shinji
2. Ikari Gendou
3. Ryoji Kaji
4. Nagisa Kaworu
5. Aida Kensuke
6. Suzuhara Touji
7. Fuyutsuki Kouzou

Alright, coming right up after the break are the introductions.

Contestant No. 1:

The one who is named The Third Children, this little fag is such a perverse loser. Looking gay in that plugsuit of his, he goes around trying to handle girls such as the hawt one with blue hair, and the noisy one with orange hair. He fails terribly, and becomes all emotional about it. Come to think of it, he should not even be in Mr Evangelion. He is a child, both physically and mentally.

Good at:

Fapping to unconscious orange-haired girls

Running away

Trying to please Daddy

Contestant No. 2:

The father of Contestant No. 1 (aka the fag). This old fart has his shades on almost 99% of the time. The only time he takes them off unwillingly was when he tried to save a blue-haired teenager. As the saying goes, like father like son. While his son only tries to tackle 2 girls at once, he outshines his son by taking on 3 (4 if you count his deceased wife). Plus, he’s a pedophile who has the desire to bed young genetically modified girls who look like his wife.Good at:

Flirting around and cheating on his wife

Looking stupid in shades

Being an unscrupulous bastard

Contestant No. 3:

The ex-lover of Major Katsuragi Misato, he is also a spy in Nerv to thwart evil conspiracies such as the Human Instrumentality Project. His manliness can be seen through the things he does, such as not fear death and becoming a spy, and staying in bed with the Major for a straight week, having nothing but sex. How manly is that? He has green fingers too, although we will never really know unless we get to taste the watermelons he cultivates.

Good at:

Waltzing through different women and getting away with it

Wasting his life away sleeping with a women for one straight week

Growing crops

Constant No. 4:

A silver-haired bishonen, who happens to be gay and attracted to Contestant No. 1. Nothing much is known about him, except him being The Fifth Children and his identity of an Angel. He could have caused the third impact, but instead begs Contestant No. 1 to crush him to prevent the destruction of humanity. Now, that’s real courage.

Good at:

Being a handsome homosexual

Deceiving everyone of his identity

Infiltrating Missions

Contestant No. 5:

A military otaku who happens to be the classmate of Contestant No. 1. He has the weird past time of playing imaginary war games by his own lonesome self. He dreams of being an Eva pilot, but is unfortunately unable to live his dream due to extremely poor luck. He also has a fetish for older women.

Good at:

Memorizing and recognizing military equiment/mecha

Daydreaming and indulging in his own world

Contestant No. 6:

The Fourth Children, and also the one who was in the Evangelion which was taken over by an Angel. He does not really have brains, as he often acts and speaks before he think, and is unable to tell that the class chairman has a crush on him. Like Contestant No. 5, he sort of has a fetish for older women.

Good at:

Not thinking before he acts

Being an idiot

Contestant No. 7:

Another old geezer who happens to be Contestant No. 2’s sidekick and bootlicker. He used to be superior to Contestant No. 2, who he thinks is a bastard, in the past, but the status quo has changed now.

Good at:

Being a two-faced bastard

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Well, well. We have finally arrived at the end of introducing all the contestants. Now, it time to flaunt who’s your Mr Evangelion, and why.

P.S. Damn, this post is even more gay than Kaworu and Shinji combined.